March 17, 2008

Examining ourselves to see if we be in the faith

I did endeavour to examine myself thus: They that have a sincere desire of union and communion with Christ, have true faith (Matt. v. 6; 2 Cor, viii. 12): and such are those who, 1. Choose and desire Christ, without desire to retain sin; that choose Christ whatever may follow (Heb. xi. 25); 2.that are not carried forth after spiritual good things merely as profitable to themselves, but as things in themselves good and desirable (Ps. lxxiii. 25); 3. who desire a whole Christ, as well for sanctification as justification (1 Cor. i. 30); 4. who esteem Christ above all (i Peter ii. 7); 5. who have a sense of sin pressing the conscience, and serious displeasure with it (Prov xxi. 25). 6. who make suitable endeavours after Christ (Prov. xxi. 25). But, I (I appeal to God's omniscience) have such a desire. For, 1. I desire Christ without exception of any sin, or the cross: I am content to part with all sin and take Christ, to follow Him in His strength whithersoever He goes. 2. I desire union and communion with Christ, though there were no hell to punish those who are united to their sins. 3. I desire a whole Christ, and would as fain have sin subdued and mortified, as guilt taken away. 4. I esteem Christ above all: Give me Christ, and take from me what thou wilt. 5. Sin is a burden to me, especially my predominant lust. 6. I endeavour in some measure to seek after Christ: Lord, Thou knowest. Therefore I have true faith.  [Thomas Boston]

January 11, 2008

You will know them by their fruit

When winter has stripped the leaves of their verdure it is hard to distinguish those that have life from those those that have not; but when the spring approaches, they are easily known by their spreading leaves, while those that are dead still continue the same; thus when religion is in decay, the saint can hardly be distinguished from the sinner, but when a time of refreshing comes then they will blossom and bring forth fruit abundantly. [Thomas Boston]

December 23, 2007

Sifted like wheat

As I was complaining how Satan had winnowed me , and brought forth much filthy stuff  out of my heart, notwithstanding all my prayers, it came to my mind how Christ had said to Peter, "Simon, Satan hath desired to hath thee, that he may sift you as wheat: but I have prayed for thee that thy faith fail not.;" and yet Peter denied Him even with oaths on a very silly temptation. This was comfortable. There were four things suggested to me in the morning, as antidotes against the temptation; whereof, this was one: That I was conscious of myself as being unwilling to engage with such a post, in regard for my unfitness for it , though they were all willing.  In the evening, while I sat musing on what I had been preaching , viz. That the soul that has got a true discovery  of Christ will be satisfied with Him alone, I proposed the question to myself: Art thou content with Christ alone? Would thou be satisfied with Christ as thy portion  tho there were no hell to be saved from? and my soul answered Yes. asked myself further: Supposing that, would st thou be content of Him, tho likewise thou shoulds't lose credit and reputation, and meet with trouble for His sake? My soul answered, Yes.  Such is my hatred of sin and love to Christ. [Thomas Boston]

December 19, 2007

How the Lord humbles us.

I preached this day in Langton; and after the evening exercise Mr Dysert said to me, You would have done better to have gone the west beside Mr Murray, for there you would have got a kirk. My proud heart took this ill, and I had a secret disatisfaction with my own lot, in that I was not settled. Reflecting upon this in secret, I observed, how in three things since I came to this country, Satan has overcome me, even in those things that I preached against. 1. Preaching at Dunse, I preached against immoderate sleep as a great waster of time; and quickly after I fell into this. 2. Last Thursday, I preached that unwatchfulness was the cause why it is not with God's people as in times past; and the very same night my heart fell a-roving. 3. At this evening exercise I lectured on Heb. xiii. and particuarly that word, "Be content with such things as ye have;" and immediately after this disatisfaction seized me, for which my heart abhors my heart. Wherefore, being convinced of my danger, I resolved, in the Lord's strength, from henceforth to make my sermons the subject of my Sabbath nights' meditation, and so to improve them for myself. [Thomas Boston]

December 10th 2007

The needfulness of ordinances to confirm our faith

on the 23rd, reading in Secret Matt. xix. and coming to ver, 29, "And every one that hath forsaken houses," etc, I found my heart could not give no credit to it. I would fain have believed it, but really could not. I meditated a while on it, with ejaculations to the Lord, till in some measure I overcame. I then went to prayer, where the Lord gave me to see much of my own vileness, and particuarly that evil and plague of my heart. I blessed the Lord for sealing ordinances, for then I saw the need of them to confirm faith. [Thomas Boston]

December 08th 2007

With loving-kindness I have drawn thee

21st January---When I arose this morning, I began to look for something to meditate on, and that word came, Jer. xxxi. 3, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn thee." My soul grasped at it; I meditated on it with a heart somewhat elevated; yet I saw much unbelief in my heart, which was my burden. I thought I loved Christ; and then that word, 1 John iv. 19, "We love Him, because He first loved us," came. I saw love began on Christ's side; yet I could not but with doubting assent to the conclusion that God loved me. I went to prayer, poured out my soul, lamenting over my unbelief, which did then eminently appear and shew itself to me. I was called thereafter to breakfast, but that word Jer. xxxi 3, stuck with me, and yet does; it is sweet as the honey comb. When I was at prayer, I thought the Lord explained that word to me, "Therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn thee," t hat God's drawing me to Himself by the Gospel in a loving way, was an evidence and token of His everlasting love. While I meditated on my sermon, that word, Ps. cii. 16, "When the Lord shall build up Zion, He shall appear in His glory," came again to me (for at this time was much on my heart). I thought on it. My soul was deeply affected under the sense of Christ's withdrawing from ordinances, and my heart groaned under the sense of His absence. My soul longed for the day that the house should be built, and the rubbish taken away. It sent me to prayer. I began to this purpose. Why hath Thou forsaken Thine own house? and it was presently suggested to me, that Christ doth as a man that hath his house a-building; he comes now and then and sees it, but does not stay, and will not come to dwell in it till it be built up. My heart and soul cried vehmently to the Lord for His return, and the grief of my heart often made my speech to fail. I cried to the Lord as the great Watchman, "What of the night?" this sad night, when the sun goes down at noonday? I was once going to say, Lord, what need I preach? but I durst not bring it out; so I was silent for a time. My soul desired, that either He would come to me in ordinances, or take me to Him in Heaven, if it were His will. When I arose from prayer, I could get nothing but still that word, Ps. cii. 16. Lord hasten the day then. When I went to bed this night, that word came into my mind: "Whom shall I send? Send me." I thought on going to the north and was content to go any way, north, south or wherever. My heart began to wander (I think falling asleep); and I said in my heart the words of a curse against myself used by rude ungodly people. They came like a flash of lightening, and immediately made my very heart to leap for dread. This, I saw, was one of Satan's fiery darts. Tomorrow morning, being the Lord's Day, I found my heart dull; I endeavoured to apply that word, Hos. xiv. 5, "I will be as the dew unto Israel;" and was somewhat revived. But in prayer thereafter He covered Himsef with a cloud. I cried, that if there any accursed stuff I knew not of, He would discover it to me; and I had a sad prospect of this days work. I would have been content of a sickbed, rather than to be carried hence without His presence to the pulpit. Intending to read, I prayed for a word that might revive me; and reading in my ordinary, Matt. xvi, my heart moved and leapt, I thought within me when I read ver. 8, "O ye of little faith, why reason so among yourselves, because ye have brought no bread?" I took it to myself; I saw it was my unbelief and that I behoved to depend on God, laying all the stress on Him. Afterward I got that word, "When I sent you out, lacked ye anything?" I poured out my soul when in the manse, and suffered the bell to toll long; and when I was going out, and heard it tolling, I thought, it was now tolling for me to preach maybe ere the next Sabbath it may toll for me to the grave. This was useful. The Lord was sweetly and powerfully with me through the day. After the lecture we sung part of Ps. li.; the last line of it, at which I stood up was, "With Thy free Sp'rit me stay:" I stood up with courage, for I thought the Spirit of God was my stay; and the night when I awoke, I was still with God. [Thomas Boston]

December 06th 2007

Boston's hunger to be a fisher of men.

1st January 1699--I had more than an ordinary measure of God's presence and help in preaching. In the morning in secret I was earnest with God for it, but had a temptation to think that God would leave me, which did perplex me sore. When I was coming home from the sermons, Satan fell to afresh again, the contrary way, tempting me to pride. It came three times remarkably on me, and was as often repelled by that word, "What hast thou that thou hast not received?"
During the remaining time that I continued at Ferrytown, I wrote a Solliquy on the art of man fishing, which was never finished, but is in retentis. The occasion thereof was this, 6th January 1699, reading in secret, my heart was touched with Matt iv. 19, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." My soul cried out for accomplishing of that to me, and I was very desirous to know how I might follow Christ, so as to become a fisher of men; and for my own instruction in that point, I addressed myself to the consideration of it in that manner. And indeed it was much on my heart in these days, not to preach the wisdom of mine own heart, or produce of my own gifts; but to depend on the Lord for light, that I might, if I could have reached it, been able to say of every word, "Thus saith the Lord." That scribble gives an idea of the then temper of my spirit, and the trying circumstances I then found myself in, being everywhere scared at by some. [Thomas Boston]

November 2th 2007

Boston being aided by God

On Monday, 22 Feb, I took leave of my pupil and that family. The day before, I thought it my duty to speak some things to the servants before I left them. I prayed to God for light; but was deserted, and could get nothing. I lay down on my bed in great heaviness and thought with myself,What folly is it for me to think of passing trials to preach the Gospel, seeing I cannot buckle two sentences of good sense together in my own mind? In this perplexity I went out to the field and prayed eanestlycame in again and no time longer to think, but was helped of God to speak without confusion, and with great facility to my own wonder. This was useful to me afterwards, and did drive the bottom out of a grand objection I had against passing my trials, taken from my unreadiness in ordinary discourse.

November 24th 2007

Thomas Boston facing heavy losses.

On the 1st day of February 1691, it pleased the Lord to remove my mother by death, not having lain long sick. To the best of my knowledge, she was not above fifty six years of age, my father and she having lived together, in the state of marriage, from their youth, about thirty years. While she died in one room, my father was lying in another sick, as was supposed unto death; and heavily recieved the tidings of her departure. Returning from bidding some friends in the country to her burial, I met on the street one whom I asked concerning my father, that told me, in all probability he would never recover. This so pierced me, that getting home, I went to the foot of the garden and cast myself down on the ground, where, according to the vehemency of my passion, I lay grovelling and bemoaning my heavy stroke in the loss of my parents, looking on myself as an absolute orphan, and all hopes of obtaining my purpose now gone. Thus, I lay, I think, till my eldest brother, a judicious man, came and spoke to me and raised me up. But it pleased the Lord that I was comforted in the recovery of my father some time after.